Still Calls Me Son
by wildkidlexie
Summary: The War is over. Voldemort is defeated. Everything devastated must now be rebuilt. Percy Weasley was the only one who didn't side with his family throughout the whole ordeal. Now that everything was said and done, would they still take him back as family?
1. Lyrics

**Still Calls Me Son**

**Stanza 1:**

I drug his name through godless places

And I've known shame that no child of his should know

I've seen pain on broken faces

Beyond all thought of hope

I was just too far from home

Still I always wondered when I closed my eyes

**Chorus:**

After all I've done

Could he run to me?

Would he kiss my face?

Could he even look at me?

After where I've been

should he take me back?

I would understand

I've disgraced him

But it would be amazing

If he still calls me son

**Stanza 2:**

With nothing left for me to bring him

I left my pride and turned my heart toward home

I saw my home on the horizon

And from a distance

I saw my Father

Watching for his own with forgiving eyes

**Chorus:**

After all I'd done

He just ran to me

Then he kissed my face

He would not let go of me

After where I'd been

He just welcomed me

I didn't understand

But he put his robe on me

It was so amazing

That he still called me son

**Stanza 3/Chorus:**

One day as I breathe my last

And I know my days on earth have ended

When every hour is spent

I will close my eyes in amazement

And I'll hear angels

They'll be singing

Amazing Grace

Cause he will run to me

And he will kiss my face

He will not let go of me

After where I've been

He will welcome me

I won't understand

How he'll put his robe on me

It will be amazing

That he'll still call me son

**Bridge:**

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

When he calls me son

I once was lost but now I'm found

Cause he calls me Son


	2. Memories

**A/N: One of my old works. I hope you like this one.**

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**February 1998**

Percy closed his eyes. Everything…everything he stood for. He didn't understand. Nothing at all seemed to make sense to him. He never thought that it would all come down to this. At the height of the war, it would all come down to this. Percy could feel a sweat drop from the side of his temple. It was still dark. It must be the middle of the night, but Percy didn't really care at the moment. All he could think about was his dream. It was simply a dream, but still…everything seemed so clear.

_Three-year-old Percy Weasley held out his arms to his father. "Daddy!" he exclaimed with full excitement. His older brothers Charlie and Bill stood behind Mr. Weasley, all with wide smiled. Percy's, though, was the widest. "Toss me in the air, again, Daddy!" he called out cheerfully. _

_The sun was high in the sky and the weather was great. Arthur Weasley hoisted up his young son into the air. He chuckled as Percy's face glowed. He could have been called the happiest boy on earth at the moment. Most probably, he indeed was the happiest boy among the crowd. After all, his father did not go to work to spend his birthday with him. It was rare that Arthur Weasley did so, and Percy felt as special as ever. _

"_One more time, Daddy!" Percy said happily. Arthur again tossed him, and caught him before the boy fell. Percy looked at Charlie and Bill who were both happy to see their younger brother smiling. Percy turned to his father. "Daddy," he started to say, locking his eyes to his father's, 'do you love me?" _

_Arthur beamed and hugged the boy tightly. "Of course I do, son. Happy birthday, Percy." _

Percy opened his eyes. He lightly touched his face. It was wet. He had been crying too. A part of him struggled nightly. Most nights, he could barely sleep. There was a part of him that was screaming so loudly, that was screaming so desperately that he didn't belong where he was. Still, he was there, sitting alone in the dark. The unfamiliar room loomed over him, making him feel small and helpless. Percy was no longer afraid of the nightmares like he was a couple of months ago, he was afraid of the sweetest of dreams. No, he didn't want to remember them any longer. It was ruining his concentration. After all, these dreams were meaningless…right?

The young man laid on his back for another hour. He stared at the ceiling.

_He stared at the ceiling. "Percy?" Molly Weasley called from downstairs. Percy suddenly sat up. It was a few days after his third birthday and once again his father was too busy. Percy missed his father. His brothers Bill and Charlie were off playing together while his younger twin brothers were too young to play. Percy had been feeling lonely. At the sound of his mother's voice, he went downstairs to see what was going on. Molly met him by the foot of the stairs. "Would you mind helping me with the kitchen?" she asked. _

_Percy shook his head. He really liked helping his mother, though he would much rather be with his father. He, though, had a mind not to voice it out. He followed Molly into the kitchen where his two younger twin brothers were both sitting about and splashing water everywhere. _

"_Mummy," said Percy quietly, "they're making a mess!"_

_Molly sighed and picked up one of the twins, Fred, and set him on the kitchen counter. She wiped his face and looked at Percy. "Percy dear," she said softly, "would you mind wiping George's face?" Percy moved forward, but did not really know how to approach the rather active baby. "These twins are a handful, they are," muttered Molly as he set Fred back down on the kitchen floor. She looked at Percy. "Why aren't you with Bill and Charlie?" she asked. _

_Percy looked up. "They don't want me," he replied, his voice a bit sour. "They said I was too little to play with them so I stayed in my room." Molly looked concerned. Percy must have seen it in her face because he quickly reacted. "But it's all right, Mummy. I was trying to read the book you and Daddy gave me for my birthday." Molly knew well Percy loved to read, even if he wasn't the best reader wound just yet. "I enjoyed it," Percy added. _

_Molly's face eased. "I'm glad you did," she said and walked over to the little boy. She took his hand. "Come on, let's give you to Bill and Charlie. They were little once and I bet they can find games that would fit you." She gave Charlie an encouraging smile. "Don't let your brothers get to you, Percy. You have to stand up for yourself, stand up the things you believe in. If you know Bill and Charlie are wrong, and you know you are old enough to play with them, give them a piece of your mind."_

Percy turned to his side. That was the day he decided not to let his brother push him around. He could clearly recall that although Molly tried to persuade Bill and Charlie to let him play, his leer brothers refused and said that Percy would only ruin the game. Percy never tried again after that. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, his older brothers wouldn't want him in their circle, them being the playful ones and him being the one who was overly fascinated with books more than brooms.

It wasn't long before a trace of sunlight came into the room. It was finally morning. Percy at up from his bed and rubbed his eyes. He wanted to rub away the memories he had been recollecting lately, if only he could. Something was burning inside of him, something he could not understand. And now, he was sitting on a bed he did not know of, unlike the one he used to sleep on when he was still a schoolboy. It seemed all too fast now, and it seemed all too scary. This was something he did not share with anyone, a feeling he did not tell anyone. But all of it, it was making him sick to his stomach.

Slowly, Percy got up from bed and headed towards the bathroom. He turned on the tap and watched the water run.

"_It's so cold!" cried Percy as he tried to tinker with the shower. "Mummy! Mummy!" he called out. The water was freezing and he could feel it running through his body. He began to shake all over. He couldn't turn it off, he couldn't make it any warmer. He was freezing in the shower. "Mummy!" His voice was so high pitched it could have been coming from a girl. _

_Bill burst into the bathroom. "Perce, is that you?" he asked. He walked in and turned off the shower. He stared at his shivering brother. Bill then crouched down and pulled a towel from the cabinet right beside the shower. He threw it to Percy who was shaking too much to catch it. "Aw damn Percy," cussed Bill when the towel got wet because Percy didn't make an effort to catch it. Bill walked over and picked up the towel from the floor. _

"_You said a bad word," whispered Percy as Bill threw the wet towel into the laundry basket. He pulled out another dry towel to wrap around his three-year-old brother. _

_Bill started to warm his brother up by drying him with the towel. "It's your fault for not catching it," he pointed out. Bill tried to dry Percy's flaming red hair. Percy's eyes began to fill with tears. Bill looked at him, hesitated, before giving Percy a warm smile. It's been a while since Bill did that, and both Bill and Percy knew it. "But it's bloody brilliant that you can take a bath on your own now," said Bill. "You're only three. I bet Mum's really proud of you for doing so." Bill finished up drying every part of Percy. "I bet you'll learn to do things on your own quickly."_

Percy splashed some cool water onto his face. Bill was probably right. He did learn to do a lot of things on his own after that. He had Bill to thank for. What sounded like an encouragement then might have turned out to be some kind of Prophecy. It was not uncommon in the Wizarding world. Percy pulled a paper towel from his side and wiped the wetness from his face. It won't be long now before he had to go back to the office.

After his morning routine was done, Percy packed his bag. Papers, reports, and everything. It all had to be inside. Organized, systematic. Those words had come from distant memories that only Percy could dig up from the back of his brain somewhere. Percy smiled when he picked up a red paper clip. He never told his father, but he sometimes used to Muggle things that were brought home and tossed to the bin.

"_They're amazing, those people," said Arthur Weasley as he got home from work that night. He walked past Percy, ruffling the young boy's hair as he did. "They're so intuitive and so…organized!" Arthur gave Molly a quick kiss on the cheek before slapping hands with Bill and Charlie. "So how was the Weasley day today, boys?" he asked as he looked around and saw his sons all standing about him in the dining room. _

_Bill was the first to say, "It's the same as yesterday." Charlie nodded in full agreement. "Two years and I'm off to Hogwarts, Dad." There was a certain glow in his face that told Arthur the boy was excited to leave the Burrow. Arthur couldn't blame him. Everybody was always excited when it's almost time to go to Hogwarts. Bill nudged his head towards Percy's direction. "Percy learned to bathe himself today," he reported. _

_Arthur beamed. "Well done, Percy!" he exclaimed and swept Percy off his feet. "You're growing up a little to quickly, aren't you?" Percy simply smiled back at his father. Arthur placed Percy on his shoulders. "Boys, want to see something?" he asked. All his sons nodded. With Percy on his shoulders and Bill and Charlie behind him, Arthur Weasley walked to the tool shed. "I'm going to show you something." He set Percy on his worktable. _

_Charlie's eyes widened. "Is it a new Muggle thing?" he asked._

_Arthur nodded vigorously. "It's a paper clip," he said as he held up a bright red paper clip and showed it to his sons. "It's how they keep their papers together, you see." Arthur yanked open one of his drawers and demonstrated to the boys how the paper clip works. "It's amazing how Muggles can manage without magic, isn't it? They have their genius ways!" He was very much excited about his new discovery, the paper clip. _

Percy stashed away his papers, which the red paper clip held together. He zipped up his bag. With a flick of his wand, his bed was fixed, the window was shut tight. It was about time to leave for the office. Percy felt a slight tug somewhere in his chest, but he thought it was best not to mind it. The young man headed towards the door, opened it, and without looking back, shut the door behind him to start his day at the Ministry of Magic.

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**A/N: Tell me what you think. Song to come up Next Chapter. **


	3. Ideals

**A/N: A Chapter before I study for my Mid Terms. Hope you enjoy this one. Please tell me what you think .**

**Please R&R **

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**February 1998**

The Ministry of Magic, as Percy had imagined it, would be filled with ideals. It would hold a bright future of him. None of his other brothers worked for the Ministry. Only he secured permission for himself there. The rest of his brothers, well, they were chasing their dreams away from this office. Oh no, but not him, not Percy. Surely his parents would be proud that at least one of their sons had enough sense to follow the rules, that one of their sons had set out to find a job that was stable and sure. He, of course, was always the practical one among his brothers-and sister if he were to include Ginny in the mix.

But all of this was at a great cost. He would never forget it, what it took to get to where he was. He would never forget the day he was proud of himself for securing a good position in the Ministry. He was all so excited to tell his parents, especially the father who raised him to be ambitious, to keep on dreaming regardless their financial status. Oh, it was not so easy to get where he was. It took time, it took effort, it took so much logic and persuasion, but he did it. He really did it.

**I drug his name through godless places**

And that was three years ago, when the world was less complicated for him, when his childish ideals seemed right and his motives seems pure. That was three years ago when everything wasn't as complicated as it was now. All Percy wanted to do then was to see his father's eyes glowing, his mother's eyes beaming. All he wanted to do then was to make them proud, that all those seven year they toiled to send him to Hogwarts was not a waste, and that he, Percy, could make a difference for the family. That was all he wanted, though he never got to tell his parents that.

Percy walked on, his mind still toying at the idea that he was not the man he thought he could be, and yet he was. He was torn between admitting he was wrong, or staying to hi belief. He didn't know which one was to make his parents proud, since both of them are what his parents taught him growing up. He could not believe that he might have been better off staying silent, away from his family like he was now. It wasn't easy back then when he started, and it never got any easier.

"_Weasley!" A clear voice rang inside his head. Of course it was another one of those people from his father's office. They had been coming in and out, although Arthur had tried not to let his wife and son's see. But Percy was not like the rest of them. He was curious to what was going on. So although their mother forbade him, there were times when Percy would sneak off, just as Bill or Charlie would, to have a go at hearing one of his father's conversations. He knew he wasn't meant to, and yet something told him that he had to. "I've heard that you are in another financial slump," said the brown-haired man, more like a snarl. _

_Arthur looked pale. "Quite right," he replied. The reply was like a mumble, as if he wasn't accepting the truth himself. "That's why I wanted to ask you, to extend the loan." His voice was steady, but Percy could tell his father wasn't as collected as he usually was. "My eldest, Bill, is about to go to Hogwarts. Another year and he's off there. I need the loan to send him." Arthur's voice sounded more pleading than requesting. "My boy's smart. I'm sure once he gets out of Hogwarts, he will find himself a job and he will manage to help me pay off the loan."_

"_But that will take ages-no!" retorted the brown-haired man. "Bill, isn't it?" Arthur nodded. "Although I am very upset that I might not see that young man enter Hogwarts, though I could see there might be certain talent there. That boy, he has your eyes, those eyes willing to work hard." Percy leaned forward and tried to peak at the man's face, but he cannot see him for the man's back was turned. "I am afraid I can no longer extend the loan. It's been years Arthur. I have extended it twice already. My wife's starting to think that you would never get around to pay them." Percy could see his father's downcast face. He had never seen him so blue. "I'm sorry, Arthur."_

_Arthur nodded with full understanding and both me stood up from their seats. Percy quickly scrambled to his feet and left before he is discovered. He learned this from Bill, to get out as quickly as you could before you're caught. Percy knew it was only a matter of time for Fred and George to learn their older brother's tricks. He ran past the garden. There was a small hole, you see, so that he could crawl under it and manage to make it to the house before his father does. Charlie was the one who showed him that hole. Useful, Charlie says all the time. _

_Percy waited by the hearth for his father to come in. Sure enough, Arthur entered the house. Percy looked up. The sad face seemed to be erased and was replaced with a jolly smile. Charlie ran to their father, equaling the smile with warms wide open to hug him. Arthur chuckled when Charlie almost toppled them both over. He said something Percy couldn't hear. _

_Arthur then looked up and saw Percy. "Percy!" he exclaimed. Percy's ears perked up. He wondered how his father's demeanor could change so quickly. After all, it wasn't too long ago that he was refused something he badly wanted. Percy was four, but he could tell that they were having difficulty as each day passed. He did not understand how his father could take it so lightly every time he came through the door to their house. _

_He did not understand. _

Their financial situation never got any easier. For Percy, it was because his father was too idealistic sometimes, thinking that working with Muggle things would one day be important or something. Percy never understood that either. He tried to. Most days, he would rather have his father answer why or at least explain to him why all those years he never gave up though they were getting poorer and poorer. Yet Arthur always had that cheerful deposition when dealing with Muggle things.

A lot of other people, like Percy, did not understand either. There were days when they would talk about Arthur, and hush about it when Percy was around. But Percy could hear them talking, he could hear them whispering the Weasley name about. He was struggling with what his father left behind. He was sure that a lot of people highly doubted him even, for this reason. It was, after all, quite hard to imagine that Percy was different from his father.

**And I've known shame that**

And Percy fought back. He fought back the rumors that were aimed at him. He fought back, but not to defend the Weasley name. He fought back, he did what he thought his father couldn't. He fought back and told them that he was different, that he was going to make a name for himself apart from his father. There were days when he would retort of how a good man his father was, but the more days he worked at the ministry, the harder it got for him to do so. At one point, he simply got tired and gave up. Besides, he thought, it was not his fault. It was his father's choices, and not his. With that thought, there were days when he could laugh about his father according to other people's jokes about him. But inside, Percy was screaming.

Percy passed two tables, both men working there looked up and gave him a quick smile. Percy simply nodded. He didn't smile back. He never usually did, only on occasion when he had to. He had a feeling that they weren't smiling at him, but they were smiling because the Wealseys were all too caught up with Harry Potter, and now they would soon suffer consequences. They had in mind that Percy was on their side though, the Ministry, and not the family that he had disinherited for about three years now.

His father was never pleased with this decision. The last time he spoke with the man was when they had fought about it. He called Arthur so many things that deep inside he knew wasn't true. Percy, of course, was not one to admit defeat all too quickly. Besides, it was them who had pushed him to do it. It was his family, who didn't support him when he needed it. All of them were against him, just because they were on Dumbledore's side. Although whether or not he was at the black or white side, he knew he should not have condemned his father so much.

_Arthur lifted up his young son who had been sitting by the hearth. "What have you been up to all day, Percy?" he asked. Percy blinked, he did not say anything. He thought his father was acting strange for not too long ago he was not too jolly. But now, as Percy looked at his father's face, it seemed that everything was turned about. Arthur must have noticed the absence of a smile in Percy's face because he asked, "is there anything wrong, son?" _

_Percy shook his head. "No," he lied, the forced a smile. _

Percy did not understand it back then, why his father would always smile every time he got home, even after a hard day's work. Sometimes, growing up, he never really understood how they managed. He never really appreciated his father's work so much, unlike his other brothers who thought it was genius. Percy thought he was more down-to-earth himself, the one who had his mind straight. He always thought he was the one to rescue his family from the pit he had been in. That was until they kicked Fudge off the Highest Seat. Now, he was not too sure.

Percy set his bag on the office table. He looked at the picture that he placed on it. The sole picture frame held the picture of his family from when they went to Egypt a few years back. That was a happy trip, that was, if not for Fred and George almost trapping him into one of the pyramids. But although he would not admit it, he had fun even then. Fred and George, his brothers who were always full of laughs.

"_Fred, George!" Arthur said excitedly as he scooped up the twins from the floor. Both of them were tugging at one end of the teddy bear. Arthur chuckled. He did not seem to mind that they almost tore the bear apart. "Oh you two are going to be a handful, you are," he said, giving each son a kiss on the head. _

"_Dinner!" Molly called. _

_Charlie quickly disappeared to the next room. Percy figured that Bill was already in there with their mother. He did not move. He watched as Arthur and the twins go to the next room as well. He was sort of at a lost now, not knowing what to think, really. Everything he heard was too much for a boy his age, and he knew it. Percy knew that it was not for him to worry about, or even think of. Bill mentioned it sometimes, that they might not be able to go to Hogwarts, he's heard their parents discussing. Percy, now that he heard it for himself, sat there…just sat there._

_Arthur suddenly appeared back into the living room. "Why are you still here?" he asked Percy. Percy looked up, and still did not move. Arthur smiled and held his hand out to him. "Come on, son, let's have dinner."_

Percy stared at his father in that picture. He couldn't remember how it felt like to have dinner with them, to be dining at the same table. It's been years since he's done it.

"Weasley!" Percy jumped. He looked around and saw one of the runners. "You're called four in the office. Minister, he wants you there right now." The runner lowered his voice. "You better hurry too. You know Thicknesse, he's got a hot temper lately. Mind you, he hasn't had his morning coffee yet." The runner quickly disappeared off to his next duty without another word.

Percy grabbed a few papers. He paused and looked at the picture once more.

**no child of his should know**

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	4. Anger

**A/N: Hey guys, I will be finishing this story before I continue the other stories that I have since I'm on a streak with this one. Tell me what you think of the chapter. **

**Please R&R **

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**February 1998**

Percy strode over to Thickenesse's office. He wasn't much in the mood to talk with the Minister lately, now that everything was compromised. All the things he used to believe in, he used to trust. Everything was falling apart and nothing was going in the direction that he had hoped. No, this wasn't what Percy dreamed off when he first joined the Ministry, when he first thought that he could make the difference that the rest of his family couldn't. Part of Percy wanted to keep on fighting, that there was something behind the Ministry's predicament; but the other part told him wanted to throw away the paper reports that he had been doing and go home.

**I've seen pain on broken faces**

No, he would never forget the day he went home and had a row with his father. He would never forget the way he treated the man, the man who many years did all his best to raise a family of seven children. Percy, he rarely did shoe appreciation and he knew it. He wanted to, but many things prevented him. Mostly, it was his pride. Every time he wanted to, the twins would probably tease him. He did not want to be the center of their jokes so he stashed away the feeling he had for the family. Besides, he thought that they never fully appreciated him anyway. But Percy knew he was wrong. Why else would he be the only one his parents buy an owl?

He could never forget the picture of his father's face, as he called the man an idiot. Of course not. He was no idiot and Percy knew that. The man was as smart and brave as he could be. Percy looked up to his father, even then, for always being true to his ideals and his beliefs. He thought that if his father saw the way he would do the same that Arthur would be proud of him too. But no, he just got angrier and angrier until Percy thought that his father was simply belittling him. It was his mistake for letting the news be an abrupt insolence to his parents. Although it was hard, it seemed even harder for him to take it back.

"_Say sorry!" said Molly Weasley firmly, gripping Percy's hand tightly. The young boy had just insulted his older brother Charlie and yet he could not apologize. Molly's grip tightened. "Percy, you were wrong to say those things to your brother. Come on now, say sorry." Still, Percy was unmoved by his mother's rage, as if it was nothing at all. Molly's eyes narrowed as she looked at her son whose lips were pursed as if he were about to cry and yet he wouldn't. "Percy!" Molly said exasperatedly. _

_Charlie fist tightened. "He wouldn't even apologize, Mum!" he said hotly. He was very enraged with his brother. No one has ever thought Percy was capable of such name-calling. It was overboard and both Charlie and Molly knew it. Charlie looked at Percy then at their mother. "It's no use, Mum," he mumbled and turned to walk away. "He'll never say sorry for anything he's done."_

Percy reached his boss's office. He held onto the doorknob, but did not turn to open it just yet. He was only eight then, when he was asked over and over to say sorry. He wanted to. He knew how much he hurt Charlie, saying those what he said, but he just couldn't find the right words to explain himself. Percy wanted to find the right words at the right time. He never found them, since Charlie walked away before Percy could even say it. He knew how disappointed his mother was with him. She refused to converse with him the whole week, so did his other brothers when they found out what just happened. Maybe it was the start of his difficulty to apologize…for being right.

"Weasley, come in," came Thicknesse's voice from the other end of the door. Percy pushed open the door and stood before the Minister. This wasn't something he wanted to do, be the puppet of evil, but he knew he was caught in the middle of it. Percy had thought long and hard to resign, but he was also afraid of what was to come next if he did. Thicknesse motioned for Percy to sit down. "How about all those reports I've asked you?" he said, holding his hand out to Percy.

Percy leaned forward and handed the Minister a the papers in his hands. "Here you are, sir," he said in the steadiest of tones. His mind has been grappling about this job for ages, but he cannot let anyone know that. Percy was capable of acting too. He might have picked it up from Fred and George every time they acted like angels they really aren't. "It's way far off sir, just as you expected." Percy forced himself to smile. "I still cannot believe that this would happen, not that I doubted you."

**Beyond all thought of hope**

"_Charlie! Charlie!" Percy knocked loudly on Charlie's door, but his older brother refused to answer it. Percy didn't really blame him, but he wanted Charlie to know his reasons. Percy persisted for the next couple of minutes, but he tired out soon enough when his brother still refused to talk to him. "Charlie, it's been a week since you haven't talked to me. Come on, Charlie. Please!" His squeaky eight-year-old annoying voice did not help, but Percy did not care. _

_Bill passed by. He caught Percy practically bringing Charlie's door down. "He won't talk to you," Bill's voice said coldly. Percy's frowned even more. Bill looked at the door then back to Percy. "I wouldn't too, the way you accused Charlie so much. You're little, yes, but Mum and Dad has taught you how to respect people older that you, didn't they?" _

_Percy looked at Bill, his eyes were filled with tears. "You don't understand!" he cried. "Charlie was wrong. He was wrong to say that I didn't care about Mum and Dad. He was wrong to say that I'm spoiled." Tears were streaming down his eyes. "He was wrong to say that I didn't care. I only told him what was in my mind about him, the way he did to me. Why doesn't he get punished for it and everyone gets mad at me when I wasn't the one who started it?" Percy after all, only told the truth about Charlie. Only, it was in a nastier way than Charlie did to him. "Was I wrong to tell him that, Bill?" asked Percy, still tearfully. _

_Bill didn't say anything. He simply shook his head and went downstairs for lunch. Percy watched his older brother disappear from sight. He did not understand. He was right about Charlie. He was, and no one would listen to him and all they did was accuse him for not being able to say sorry. Percy sadly walked away, head bowed. _

Thicknesse eyed Percy. "Are you even listening to me, Weasley?" Percy's head shot up and looked at his boss. He was still thinking deeply of that day, when he was eight and the rest of his family did not understand him, did not see that he only wanted to be heard. Thicknesse sighed and threw the papers to the table. "Well, I see nothing wrong with the reports." He leaned back on his seat and looked at Percy straight in the eye. "Is there something I have to know, Weasley?" he asked.

Percy immediately shook his head. "No, Minister," he answered. He stood up from his chair. "I suppose I better get back to work then." He checked his watch before looking back at his boss. "I wish you all the luck, sir," he said before leaving the office without another word.

Percy wondered how he and Charlie ever made up. He couldn't remember. All he knew was they started talking after then. Maybe it was Charlie who said sorry, because Percy certainly knew he didn't. Or maybe, none of them said sorry at all. After all, Charlie didn't do anything but pointed out the truth in a kinder way than Percy did. However it ended, Percy did not say sorry. I doubt he ever will, even if Charlie still held that kind of a grudge over him.

For a moment there, it got Percy thinking is his brother did hold a grudge against him for that. Percy sighed as he sat back down on his chair to continue yesterday's work. His hand swept from one side of the table to another, still thinking about it. Did Charlie ever hold a grudge for Percy having called him a _son-of-a-gun-who-wasn't-smart-enough-to-see-that-he-was-the-burden-of-the-family-for-asking-their-parents-for-a-broom-instead-of-books-that-might-help-in-their-Hogwarts-year? _Percy didn't approve of Charlie wanting their parents to buy a broom for him. Despite the fact that Percy knew Charlie was heading somewhere, with his love for Quidditch, the boy was very much aware of what his parents would have to go through to buy Charlie that present. He didn't care much for the crude language that he had learned from Charlie in the first place. He just wanted Charlie to see the big picture of what he was asking their parents of.

Percy could only wonder if Charlie ever forgave him for that. It was already years ago. He didn't even know if Charlie could even remember that incident. After all, he was even too young to enter Hogwarts then when that fight happened, and Charlie was only entering his second year. Charlie, though, wasn't pleased when he heard that Percy and Arthur had a row about Percy's job. Percy knew that, Charlie being always on their father's side. Although there was still that void inside Percy, that kind of wonder whether or not he was forgiven for the night he told the truth. He knew that might never know the answer.

**I was just too far from home**

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	5. Hurt

**A/N: Here you go. Hope you enjoy!**

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**February 1998**

**Still I always wondered when I closed my eyes**

Percy levitated his bag towards the desk beside his bed. He plopped himself onto the bed. Slowly, Percy closed his eyes. It was time to take a rest after all the work he had been doing in the Ministry, being pushed here and there nowadays. He thought long and hard. If he was still doing the right thing, staying at the Ministry despite his family's disagreement about it. Was it time to go home now? Next month, after all, was Ron's birthday already. A smile crept to Percy's face as he thought about Ron, his youngest brother. He did not voice it out much, but Ron was always his favorite. Ron…that boy. Percy always knew his younger brother had a lot in him. Even Percy, being younger than Bill and Charlie, knew how it felt to be overshadowed. Even their father, Arthur, could tell a thing or two about the feeling.

_Arthur pushed open the door. It creaked. It was an old door. "Percy?" came his voice, soft and gentle as Percy would always hear it. Arthur walked over to Percy's bed, but hesitated before sitting down beside the boy who was looking very gloomy. "You know your brothers didn't mean what they said. Fred and George, they're always in for jokes and laughs." Percy did not speak. He kept still as he felt his brother place a hand on his head. "Oh cheer up, Percy. Don't listen to them."_

_It was only then when Percy found his voice. "But Fred and George are right," he said, trying to stiffen up his upper lip. Crying would only make it worse for him, and Percy knew it. He knew his twin brothers, and they weren't very keen of forgiving him when he cries. "They're right about me. I can't be like Bill. He's amazing, that Bill." Percy frowned hard. "I can't be like Charlie either. He's great at flying. Fred and George can see it, that I'm not like Bill or Charlie in any way." His tone of voice was really down. _

_Arthur gave Percy an encouraging smile. "We don't expect you to be Bill or Charlie," he explained. "We expect you to be yourself. We're proud of who you are right now. Percy, what is there not to be proud of? You are top of your batch for two years now." Arthur gave Percy a one armed hug. "We're very proud of you, Perce. We don't want you to be your brothers. We simply want you to be yourself." Percy looked at his father who was beaming. "Whatever you choose to become, whoever you choose to be, I will be right behind your decisions. I just want you to be who you are. I will love you no matter what, son." _

Percy opened his eyes again. He didn't want to doze off, not at this state, not at the time when everything clearly unclear to him. He felt a lump in his throat. He thought it was true, that his father would support him in everything. After all, his father had never broke a promise yet. His father, yes, the man he always had his eyes on. It was never Bill who motivated him to become prefect and Head Boy like everyone thought so. It wasn't Charlie either, who became prefect as well. It was his father who encouraged him all the way as he was goring up, sweeping aside all other opinions of him.

**After all I've done, could he run to me?**

He would never forgive himself, the day he yelled at his father, the day he was ashamed of carrying the family name. He could never forgive himself for seeing those disappointed pair of eyes. But he, being young and idealistic then, could not understand why his father would break his promise, why his father would not support him just as he said so years ago. Percy thought about it many times. He reran the moment in his head over and over again. The words he said, the disrespect he showed his father. He could come into terms with those, especially with him not yet able to say anything to his parents at the moment, the parents who had raised him with love, that much Percy knew.

"_Percy, what are you doing?" Ron was little. His nose was dirty…again. Percy looked up from his book but did not say anything. Ron crawled up to him and tugged his robe. Percy was a bit annoyed at this, but still he kept silent. "Percy, what are you doing?" Ron, he was always persistent and Percy had gotten used to it by now. He was just grateful that his youngest brother was unlike the twins. The boy was inquisitive, yes, but a lot tamer than the twins. "Percy!"_

"_Reading!" Percy snapped. Ron was so surprised that he began to cry. He thought that he had done something wrong. Percy felt guilty for making his younger brother cry. He quickly set aside the book. "I'm sorry, Ron," he said. "Don't cry." But his younger brother kept on crying. "Ron, come on. You'll get us both into trouble. Don't cry. I was just reading." Percy grabbed the book and showed the book to Ron. "Here, you see. It's Hogwarts A History. It's a great book. I've been reading. After Christmas, I'm going back to Hogwarts so I have to know all the readings I have." Ron still kept on crying. Percy was at a lost what to do. "Ron, please!" he begged. _

_Molly and Arthur both came into the living room. They found Percy looked worried and Ron crying. Molly sighed. She looked quite tired. Percy's heart sank. He didn't really want to cause any more trouble for his parents. Fred and George was already a handful and he knew it. Most of the time Percy was the quiet one, the one who kept out of trouble. Christmas was the busiest for his mother, cleaning and all. He hadn't meant for Ron to cry. _

_Quickly, Arthur walked over to his youngest and swept him off the floor. "Come on, Ron," he said, kissing the boy on the cheek. The boy slowly stopped crying. Arthur chuckled. "Now that's my boy," he said softly and bounced Ron on his arms. "You're getting heavier and heavier, Ron. Another year and I won't be able to carry you like this anymore." Arthur smiled widely. "Three more years and you're off to Hogwarts yourself." He gave Ron a hug and another quick kiss before going to the other room, Molly following behind. _

_Percy watched. He just sat there and watched. _

**Would he kiss my face?**

Percy laid still for a moment before he pulled out his wand. "Accio book." Nightly reading, that was what he did lately, to keep his mind off of the troubling thought he has been having. It was sad really, now that he's heard that all of his brothers along with their parents and sister are working together now, for the Order. Only he was apart from them now. It was as he told his family, he no longer associated with them.

The book flew to him. Percy caught it. But by the time he did, he was not in the mood to read anymore. He just wanted sleep, the sleep that did not let him dream about his parents or his family, his house or his home. He just wanted some sleep that could give him the rest that he deserved after a hard day's work. He needed that sleep now, so much more than anything. Percy felt his face. Even without looking at the mirror, he knew that there were dark circles forming under his eyes, with the way that his sleeping habit has become.

No matter what he tried to do lately, whether with closed or open eyes, Percy could still picture his family…the family that he had disowned. It was only because of the heated moment, but Percy didn't want to take it back. Until he got used to it, he stuck with his decision. Of course there were more days when he missed the Burrow more than he wanted to stay in London, but he could not just go crawling back, not after the large mistake he made, calling his father names or being ashamed of his own family. Mostly, he was just afraid of what would happen if he did. He knew that none of the members for his family would take it lightly, especially not his father whom he had a row with before he left.

Percy wanted to shake off the sentimental streak. He did not know whether it was because Voldemort was on the rise or because he was just being homesick. After all, it wasn't too long ago that his mother would hug him before he rode the train back to Hogwarts. Yes, it wasn't too long ago.

_Percy half dragged, half carried his trunk into the train. He looked back at his younger brother and sister who were both too young to go to Hogwarts. He knew that they would soon be going too. Until then, he would only see them during the summer or during the breaks that they had. Percy never did tell Ron or Ginny, but he missed their company when he was at Hogwarts. Only Ron and Ginny won't be able to overshadow him or tease him like his other brothers do. He was smart enough to know that telling this would cause the twins to have a laugh at him and there was no way Percy was going to let that happen._

"_Now, you both be good," warned Molly as she helped the twins hoist their trunk. She then turned to Percy who was looking at his mother as if asking for some attention. "You too, Percy. Make us proud again." Percy smiled, satisfied by the words his mother had just said. He looked back at the twins who were already boarding the train. "Make sure you keep an eye on them," Molly suddenly said, making Percy face her. She gave Percy an assuring smile. "I'm sure you'll do great again this term."_

_Percy looked around. "I will, Mother." With that, the young teenager walked over to the train as it was leaving in five minutes. He gave his mother and brother and sister a wave. "See you one Easter!" he called out, his smile reaching from ear to ear. _

_Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice. "Percy!" Percy looked up and saw his father emerging from the heavy smoke. His heart leapt. He looked at his father who was waving. He never thought that Arthur would make it, since his mother had made it clear that he was going to be quite busy at work, and yet he was there, waving with delight. "Fred, George!" Percy looked back and saw his twin brother behind him, waving as well. "You boys have a good term," said Arthur. _

"_Will do, Dad!" chorused the twins. _

"_See you at Easter!" exclaimed Percy, eyes sparkling at the sigh for his father. He waved on as Arthur jogged beside the train for it had started to move. "We'll have another Wizard's Chess match again when I get home," said Percy to his father. The train drifted away. Percy simply kept waving until the platform was out of sight. _

**Could he even look at me?**

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	6. Guilt

**A/N: A Chapter before I study for my Mid Terms. Hope you enjoy this one. Please tell me what you think .**

**Please R&R **

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**February 1998**

It wasn't until Percy heard the rooster crow again when he sighed deeply, knowing that it was another nights when he could barely keep his eyes closed. He found it harder and harder every night now, especially that he knew that there was something going on with the Order. Slowly, one by one, they were dying. Everyone is his family was in the order. He knew that it was only a matter of time when he would hear that one of its members would be along with the others, maybe six feet under.

Percy shook his head. He knew it must not think of such things. His father and mother had always taught him to be very positive about things. Besides, if they were not positive about things, they would never have gotten this far…he would have never gotten this far. Percy knew that there was something he must fight, and it was the hurt in him, the worry in him. Everyday he must walk through the doors to the Ministry of Magic and hold his head high. No one must know about his thoughts, no one should know that he was already wavering and thinking of going back…not even himself.

**After where I've been, should he take me back?**

He had defied his father. He had slammed the door at his mother's face when she tried to convince him to go home. It was simply utter disrespect. Every step he took was another mistake, and he knew it. Percy knew it from the very start that he was not going the right track. But did he listen? Not really. He had strongly believed in Cornelius Fudge over the judgment of his own father. Percy knew he did everything a son shouldn't. He wasn't the role model, stopped being the role model he thought he could be. Percy knew this, he knew this the day he yelled at his father, the man who had always taken care of him regardless the situation, regardless the trouble.

"_Not another visit for you, Arthur." Percy recognized the man's voice. He knew the man from years ago, when he was a child peaking through the cracks to see what his father was up to in the shed. Now he was too old to fit into his hiding place, but he was not too old to steal one of his twin brothers' inventions and use it to overhear some conversations. No one ever knew he had been this naughty. Everyone thought it was always Fred and George's job to be. "I can't take another one of your excuses. We're friends, Arthur, but not if this goes on."_

_Percy heard footsteps, seemingly pacing. He had never heard his father so worried. "It's Percy," said Arthur slowly. "He became Prefect this year. Yes, he did. We had to buy him an owl because I don't think the boy knows that we value him, having seen the way he looks at his older brothers." Percy blinked. He never knew his father even looked his way, not much anyway. "You know Percy, you've seen him. He's a brilliant boy." Arthur's voice was steady, maybe even confident. _

_There was a ruffling noise before Percy heard the man's reply. "I've seen him. I agree with you that he's brilliant, very diligent too." There was a pause. "I can see true leadership in him. But Arthur, you shouldn't have spoiled him so. An owl, of all things! You know it's hard to afford one these days, and with the financial situation you have…" the man's voice faded, now it was mixed with compassion as far as Percy could tell. _

_A silence came between the two men. "Percy deserves it," countered Arthur, his voice now firm. "He's worked hard for it. Besides, my youngest son, Ron, is now off to Hogwarts as well. You see, Percy decided to give him his old rat and Molly and I have discussed it, to give Percy an owl. I know it's insensible, but," Arthur paused to clear his throat, "it's worth it."_

**I would understand **

It was a Sunday. There was no work on Sunday. Usually he spent Sundays writing to Penelope, but the was then before they broke up. Now he felt himself lonely. No family, no girlfriend. There were times when he wondered why he hadn't gone nuts yet. Percy constantly fought the thought of having to think about it again, his family. For some reason, something was drawing him back, but he could not tell what it was that was making him do so. He was getting tired, battling thoughts everyday. It never used to be like this. It used to be easier, a lot easier. It was a lot easier to mistrust and loathe his family then, but now that he had been so far away for years…

_Fred looked at George sideways. None of them were speaking. Percy found it unusual, since the twins always had something to say when he was given something new. This time, they were quiet. Percy could think up a thousand pranks that were set for him, but even when he moved about the house, there was nothing he found. His brother weren't after him tonight, Percy could tell by the lack of excitement in the twins' faces. _

"_You be good to your brother when you all go off to Hogwarts," said Molly as she bustled into the living room, Ginny right behind her. "He's going to need some help getting used to the place." She smiled at her sons who were in the room. It was rather quiet. "It's nice to have some peace around here," she said, taking a hold of Ginny's hand as she did. "I'm going to make some cookies. You boys want one?" she asked, hoping that she would get some cheer into the room. _

_George simply shook his head. Fred remained motionless on the couch, staring at the fire. Molly watched them for a moment, but left without saying another word. She did not even bother asking Percy, or so it seems. Percy felt as if all coldness was directed towards him, as if he was at fault for some reason he did not understand. _

"_I'm going up to the room," muttered Fred. He stood up and turned about without looking at Percy. George followed his twin brother. _

_Percy looked on. He knew they were up to something, he just didn't know what. He knew his brothers well enough. Once Percy heard the door to the twins' room shut, he walked upstairs, hoping that he would catch on to whatever they were doing. Besides, he had to return the thing he had just nicked from his brothers' room. They might have noticed it gone by now, but Percy didn't really care for it. His brothers couldn't tease him much any longer, now that he was a prefect when they go back to Hogwarts. _

"_Didn't you see his face when Mum handed him the cage?" came George's voice, or maybe it was Fred's. Percy leaned on the wall not too far from the twins' room. "He should have enough sense to have told Mum that a cat was okay, or maybe another rat. But no! He had to make them buy an owl." There was a sense of bitterness in the tone. _

_Percy scoffed. So that was it. His brothers were jealous of him. All this time they were frowning and moping, just because they were jealous. Percy could feel his chest thump with pride. It was all his doing. He worked hard for that owl. He beat everyone in his batch to gain the highest rank in his grade. Percy, he knew that being ambitious paid off. It was, after all, his father who taught him how to dream big and work on the dream. _

"_I would have said no to Mum." Percy could clearly tell that it was Fred's voice now. "Percy knows well that it's Ron's first year and Mum and Dad has to shell out money for him too. Didn't he even think about that?" There was a long silence before Fred spoke up again. "I remember Charlie telling me that Percy told him off once, for being selfish about a broom. Look at him now, that Percy, thinking he is high and mighty and deserves an owl. Bill didn't get one despite being prefect, did he?" There was a loud bang. Percy could only guess what it was. "That hypocrite."_

**I've disgraced him**

Percy never really thought about it again. He simply ran to his room that night and chucked out whatever invention it is that he had just gotten from the twins. He didn't care if they got angry with him, he was angry with them. Percy could clearly remember how he thought that his brothers were merely jealous, that it was because they wanted owls for themselves too. They were thirteen, after all, and rarely got anything for their own since everything was handed down from brother to brother.

It didn't take long though, for Percy to see that he was wrong. The twins, they couldn't care if they got an owl or not. They did fine without one, maybe did even better because they didn't have to take care of it. Percy knew that this time it was on him, and that what he said to Charlie years before that night bounced back on him. He couldn't imagine how Charlie must have felt; to have heard cursed condemning words from a younger brother.

For some time now, Percy knew that he was changing. May it have been for better or for worse, he was not himself. He was becoming self-righteous, that much he knew. He was becoming more and more selfish and thought less and less for his family. He compensated on these thoughts though, saying that it was their fault for judging him. But he loved his father and mother, for they had never judged him. They always showed support.

It wasn't until that day that they didn't. They simply shot him down, especially his father. Percy only wanted to show his parents that he did well for himself, to at least impress them. But that did not happen. Instead, he hurt them. The reason why he really left the Burrow wasn't because he totally disagreed with his father, although he did. But it was more than that. He left because he simply could not stand himself, having done so much shameful things to his father. He left, mostly out of embarrassment.

**But it would be amazing**

_Percy knocked on the door to his parents' room. He found his father sitting on the bed, reading the Daily Prophet. He took a deep breath before stepping into the room. There were so many things running through his mind, most of them he wasn't really sure if it were true. Arthur looked up and motioned for his son to come in, but Percy hesitated. _

"_Anything wrong, Percy?" asked Arthur, after studying the look on his son's face. He patted the space on the bed beside him. "Come now." _

_Percy walked over and sat down beside Arthur. "Father," he said, rather carefully. Arthur waited for the boy to complete everything he was about to say. Percy looked up, eyes steady. "When you bought me the owl, did you mean it really it's because I'm a prefect?" he asked. Percy tried not to let his voice sound shaky. He knew his father could tell something was wrong if there was any trace of quivering. _

_Arthur ruffled Percy's flaming red hair. "Of course, Perce," he countered. Percy looked at Arthur whose face was beaming with much pride. "You've done so well with school. You're a prefect. You keep a good record. You keep a clean record, actually. You stay at the top of your batch." Arthur's eyes sparkled. "What more could we ask from a son?" _

_Percy locked his eyes with his father's._

**If he still calls me son**

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